I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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