Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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