How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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