the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He has the fingertips of a God
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