I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
they're like a gay fantastic four
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
