sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
