the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
PANTIES FOUND
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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