She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
