I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
