I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I need moral support for this bender
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
