he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Did I show you my penis last night?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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