If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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