Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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