that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
