Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
