Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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