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Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
