Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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