What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
