He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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