She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
