I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
