I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
