Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize