new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
