Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
