what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
