I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
