You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
