party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
