I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
