Plan B is the new Plan A
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
