last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
