Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
