i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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