i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize