According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
