Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
