Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
