Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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