idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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