Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
