I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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