Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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