Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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