You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
