What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
