Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
