i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
