White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
