Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
