i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
