So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
