Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
