I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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