the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just google imaged poop.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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