you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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