i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
