Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize