Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
