I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
