Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
