That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
