Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
