I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
