Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
