I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize