the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
