It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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