he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
