i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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