I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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