4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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