Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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