Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
