Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
