I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
