I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
