i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
