tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize