New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
