that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
