i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
