i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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