She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
