I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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